Date #41: The Final First Date

We have another short post for yall so at the end I am including a list of good and bad first dates to reflect on this journey

June 2, 2024

I travelled a good way for Date #41 – an hour drive to Columbia, MD for a bowling date. He said he would pay for my gas so he already had points in my book. We met at Main Event, an entertainment center similar to Dave & Busters, and something told me to arrive early because why would I not think it would be crowded at the mall on a Saturday night? So I parked a bit of a distance away from the entrance and walked up, dressed in what I call one of my tomboy outfits – blue camouflage cargos, black tank and my white forces. I was also natural at the time so I threw a scarf on my head and said to myself my outfit shouldn’t determine how this man feels about me.

But why was I second-guessing my outfit when this man rolled up in basketball shorts? He smelled heavenly though I will give him that. But upon first impressions: he had such a baby face. I think he was maybe a few years younger than me but I still wanted to give him a chance.

We hugged and held small conversation as we walked in and waited to reserve a lane. They said it was going to be about a two hour wait so in the meantime we said we’d grab something to eat. He suggested Cheesecake Factory and this made no nevermind to me. This was when the whole debate on Twitter was going on that The Cheesecake Factory is a cheap date which he asked me if I believed that and I said a meal is a meal. Honestly the pizza and burger spot next to it even sounded good at the time (rumor has it I actually wanted it more than Cheesecake so..) I'm not trippin about what spots are cheap or not. I’m just glad it worked out the way it did because I had not eaten before the date and I actually was hungry and didn’t want to wait until after bowling.

We’re at dinner and although Cheesecake Factory is not the highest-end restaurant, I did feel we were both under dressed but oh wells I still enjoyed that food. While we were eating we did have some running joke going on about not remembering the others’ name and would call each other other names throughout dinner so at least we had that playful factor going on.

Although conversation was decent, one thing I did notice was that he kept his airpods in the whole night which was a bit off-putting. I know some people have to go through life listening to music 24/7 and I don’t think he was but also I didn’t know forsure. But regardless I just thought it was rude because I was in the back of my head questioning if he was fully paying attention or not.

In the middle of eating they called us for bowling so we rushed the rest of our meal and headed over. Now for the activity potion of the evening, I can’t say it was the best time I had bowling with someone. In all actuality, it was the least fun of the four I went on. He, still, had the airpods in the whole time. But besides that, he was also on his phone heavy. Everytime I would turn around from bowling his eyes would just be glued to his screen until it was his turn to bowl. No conversation, no banter back and forth, no competitive talk or anything. I mentioned in an earlier post how it is hard to have a conversation while bowling but he didn’t even try.

We played the two games and I could tell he wanted it to last longer but I was kind of over it. But as we were headed out I saw a drink advertised that looked good. I mentioned it and he asked if I wanted him to order me one and I’m like what the hell why not. He ordered a drink as well so more light conversation while we waited forever for our drinks. Long enough to where we had to flag an employee down to ask about it and while waiting our conversation was getting stale.

The next players came to take over our lane so as soon as our drinks came after 15 years, we headed over to go sit in the restaurant area for further conversation and drinks. In my head, I told myself I couldn’t go on another date with him. The airpods, plus him constantly on his phone, plus not being the most attracted to him all just turned me off. He asked how I felt about the date and typically I’d beat around the bush but for once I was honest. I told him he seemed pretty nice but I also told him everything I just mentioned. He apologized and said that he was nervous the whole time. He started talking about this relationship he just got out of and was trying to figure out the dating scene again. I won’t lie, in that moment I felt for him. Before he expressed all this he even asked if I would want to go on a second date and I told him no. But after explaining himself I told him that I actually wouldn’t mind giving him a second chance to right his wrongs.

We ended on a good note. But… I wish I would’ve taken a minute to think about my answer because we talked the next day or so but I did have to be honest again. I apologized and told him that I thought about it more and didn’t want to waste his time and that I wouldn’t be interested in a second date. I did feel bad because I told him no then yes and now saying no again. Again he was very nice but I just was not feeling him like that and knew my feelings weren’t going to change on the matter. But luckily, and thankfully, this was the last date before I got into a relationship.

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Since this is was the last singular date, I’ve reflected on good and bad first date spots since being on my DMV Dating Journey.

Starting with the Bad:

1. The guy’s house - I think this is the worst first date idea for a woman to go on for safety reasons and also if you’re dating seriously, agreeing to this may send the wrong idea.

2. The movies - I think I’m in the majority here but the movies is always a bad first date because it doesn’t give you a chance to talk and get to know this person. Many argue you can talk about the movie over dinner afterwards but me personally? I want a bit of an idea of who you are before sitting in a dark room for two hours.

3. Hiking - this may be a personal preference (I mean really I think all of these are) but if you have good intentions and taking a girl hiking I would hope you know if she’s a hiking girlie beforehand or not… because I am not. I think again for safety reasons, the only hikes that are acceptable are heavily populated trails but those “only see one person every 10,000 steps” type of hikes is completely out.

4. A family event - this one seems obvious but you can’t put anything past guys these days. But if you don’t like the guy, will you like his family? And if it’s going bad are you leaving early? You don’t know this guy so you certainly don’t know his family. Although, it seems like an opportunity to see what his family is like if things progress, but that’s a date down the line type of event, definitely not a first.

5. Club/Hookah Bar - Basically anywhere that’s too loud to even have a conversation.

6. Go karts, roller skating, axe throwing - this is 100% an Eboni preference because I’m sure other girls would love to go but these are the very few activities I personally do not like and would be bad first dates for me. I never liked fast cars, axe throwing gets boring fast, and when I was younger I had my fingers rolled over when I went roller skating and fell and I have never been back since.

Favorite Date Ideas:

Naturally, any date where the man is fine, the activity is fun, and the conversation is flowing is always a good date no matter what’s happening. Besides those, my personal favs have been:

1.  Multiple activities in one date. This is the activity, food, then drinks date or just going from one place to the next is always a good time to me, because if I agree to go to a second location that means I’m enjoying my time with you. If a second location is suggested and I decline, just know you probably not seeing me again.

   
   

   Date #6 - Billiards, food, then drinks. Our second date - Food, underground market, club

   Date #19 - Study, food, two different bars

   Date #31 - Pop-up art exhibit, art museum, sat on the grass eating ice cream at the National Mall

2. Ironically, the opposite are also some favs but you have to have good conversation to pull this one off: low maintenance dates. These are the ones where minimal or no money is spent. This typically means walking around with nice scenery for me; I love a good walk.

   
   

   Date #8 - walking around the wharf eating ice cream

   Date #24 - walking around the national mall, playing UNO in the car

   Date #36 - Kung Fu Tea - sat inside a tea shop drinking smoothies

   Date #39 - Heaven’s Bakery - sat in the car eating cookies (was this an actual date probably not but it maybe cracked the top 10)

The next date after #41 will hands down be my favorite for reasons you all will find out soon enough but before him, my top favorite dates from my dating series (in order of appearance) have been:

1. Date #7 - The first good looking one, my first time at Top Golf, conversation flowed, competitive banter but not over the top

2. Date #8 - Also a gorgeous individual, very lowkey date, had me laughing, we got lost looking for the metro which was an adventure in itself

3. Date #28 and our second date - Extremely funny, probably the most expensive date, got out of my comfort zone going ice skating, a holiday activity so only offered during the season, next date was also up there in price, and my first time at an Immersive gameroom

4. Date #29 and our second date - my favorite time going bowling, music was on point, drinks were good, he was nonchalant but ironically also a chatterbox, got deep in conversation the first date, second date was no different and also played billiards which is always a fun spot for me (I do suck at it though)

 I hope you all have enjoyed my dating series it has definitely been a fun one even though some dates were a little questionable. Thank you all who have come on this journey with me; even if you’ve only read a few stories, I still appreciate the read! 

My dates don’t stop here though. I will be uploading more posts but they may look a little different. Thank you again - I hope you enjoy the next phase of me in my relationship era! <3