Date #39: The Dark Side of Desire (Part II)

I didn’t expect for this story to be told in two parts, but here it goes:

So Germany goes back to Germany and I truly did think we would stop talking shortly after. At one point he even asked if I thought we would be talking for as long as we were and I told him honestly I thought we would’ve talked for maybe a week or two tops after he went back before things started dying down. But they hadn’t. He was 6 hours ahead and like I said worked for the military although he couldn’t “legally tell me what he did”, but whatever it was he couldn’t be on the phone while at work. So this, coupled with the time difference, we did talk everyday but only a short minute in the morning and at night right before he was going to sleep. On the weekends we would sometimes talk during the day but naturally wifi was spotty so we would typically wait until he was back home. But we actually conversated more after he went back to Germany than before we had met.

May 2024

It’s been about two months now. My mom came to visit and because Germany was typically up before me, and I was awake before my mom, he called on facetime and we were talking while I was in the kitchen making breakfast. My mom ended up waking up, getting ready for the day but still overhearing our conversation, something about the differences in how men and women date. She came on over and was like “Hi, what’s your name? … Hi [name redacted], how are you? … Ok so are you saying–” like girl, you butting into people’s conversations and all. Yall see where I get my nosiness now right? And he didn’t even seem to mind. He went ahead and explained what he was saying and talking as if they met before. Then she was like “and are you dating anyone?” He said “uh… the person on the phone?” she looked at me all confused and I’m like yeah why you think im talking to him so early in the morning? lol. She was like “oh! I didn’t know! Ok I’ll let you continue talking to her.” My mom knows I date around but she rarely ever meets them so this was a chuckle of a moment.

After going back to Germany he was still jokey, but then later on down the line real life started to hit, or his true personality was starting to come out. Not quite sure which one but there was a gradual shift somewhere. The longer things went on, the less funny he would be and the more he would just be negative. Everytime we talked on the phone he had something to complain about. And then yall will think I’m exaggerating, but every single time we talked he had to talk about his stupid ass car (he was obsessed with cars), or sex. I mean just think about it, gym rat, military, obsessed with cars… that was him… so you can kind of imagine that things weren’t going to be interesting forever with him.

He knew I was starting this blog so he had some obsession with him being talked about and me going on other dates. We weren’t exclusive and I told him about the blog pretty early on (it wasn’t launched at this time), so I didn’t know what his issue with the two had to do with anything. I mean I could understand a guy not wanting to date a girl that is dating others but…we’re both on the app for one, not only do you live in another country but you failed to even tell me that from the beginning for two, and lastly, and more importantly, you can end this at any time you want if you’re uncomfortable with it.

April 14th 2024

This day I was heading to a date, he called me and asked where I was going and I told him that I was going on a date. He said “yea I’m about to go sleep at this girls house”. He sounded serious and I didn’t mind so I’m like that’s great ??? He said “so what are you really doing?” and I’m like ? I just told you… he said “oh you’re really going on a date? Wowwww” like yes tf. He called himself getting an attitude about it then told me to enjoy then hung up.

We didn’t talk for the next two days (remember we talked everyday) and so I’m like he must’ve been that upset to ghost me. Too bad, so sad. The third day he sent me some video on IG so I’m like damn he’s back. I don’t know how it happened but we ended up texting back and forth. Him arguing with me that I was supposed to call him because I apparently said I would after the date and I’m like I don’t even remember that. But also, why would I when at the time it would be hella late/early his time and he’s like “because you said you would”. Guys, this argument was so damn stupid looking back I am genuinely embarrassed and I cringe when I think about all the arguments I had with this man. I can’t even tell yall a full rundown on the whole situation because even in the moment I was so confused.

I ask him why he didn’t just call me the next day and he started with the whole “I don’t call anyone on this date because someone very special to me died” and I’m like “ok sooo what about the day after that?” Because from my POV you hung up on me and then we don’t talk for two days so obviously I would expect I’m ghosted no? We go back and forth for hoursssss until I check my call log and I’m like hold on…. I did call you. Not that night but the next morning. I even showed him a screenshot of it. And he’s like “Well I didn’t get the call” ok? That’s not my problem. I called. And I even texted him later that morning too. His argument was that I said I was going to call after my date and I didn’t. My argument was that I don’t even remember saying I was going to do that, but regardless I did call just the next morning and sent a text. At some point in the middle of the argument he even threw in “...you’re getting your back blown out and I–” and I deaded (or tried to) the conversation there because where did that even come from? The insecurity just started jumping out and I didn’t even correct him nor confirm or deny that because clearly that’s what you’re really mad about. Not a stupid phone call. Even with the proof that I did try to reach him whether he got the call or not he still found some way to argue his point and my dumbass is arguing back not even knowing what I’m trying to prove when my screenshot spoke for me.

If you guys are confused… it’s okay because I was truly lost myself.

We really only had maybe 3 arguments our entire “dating” period and each one just as stupid as the last. I don’t remember exactly what the second one was about but I know it was me trying to end things between us because… like you live in a whole other continent and it’s not fun for me anymore. I mean at no point since you left was it really. I knew that he was moving back to the States in June but then he was going to move again to Georgia in July. Would I have wanted to continue this? Absolutely not. I forgot the reasons I told him for wanting to end things but again another hours long conversation him saying that I’m stuck in my ways and I don’t give things a chance and he wants me to wait it out until June. I kept refusing and he was going to sleep so he tried to end it with “Ok I’m too tired for this I’ll talk to you tomorrow” I’m like what? No you’re not… he fighting with me again asking why and I’m like what the hell do you mean? I flat out just told you I’m no longer interested in you and don’t want to date you. He’s quiet on the phone and I’m like “so… I wish you the best” or some type of conversation ender and he’s like “oh now you want to get off the phone” ??? didn’t you just say you were going to sleep? I– He said let’s talk about this tomorrow and at that point I, too, was tired so I just said whatever and called it a night.

The next day he calls me and we’re still talking about the same issue although I don’t know why like what more is there to say after someone tells you they’re not interested in dating you anymore? But he basically said he wanted me to give this a chance until June and I’m like what-the hell-ever I’m not even seeing you so what effort do I truly need to give for the next month. It wasn’t like I was calling him I just (sometimes) answered when he called.

Over the next month I was getting more and more annoyed with talking to him. Some of yall might be like “Eboni, why didn’t you just stop answering his calls?” and… I’ll explain that in a minute. So there were points where I would be on the phone with my guy friend, laughing, all lively, us cooking on facetime together or whatever and he knew the whole situation with Germany but Germany would call and I’m like “ugh… you know who is calling”, just killing the mood. Friend would tell me not to answer but I’m like “he’s gonna go to sleep soon imma just talk to him”. But the vibe was same as always: he would be half sleep so the mood would just be all dreary and boring. After a good 2 minutes I told him I would talk to him later. I called friend back like “the vibes are better over here”. He started laughing and I felt bad but not too bad because I tried to end it.

There were multiple situations where friend… who we actually started talking as more than friends, and Germany would call at the exact same time or I’d be on the phone with one and the other would call. Eventually I started giving Germany reasons why I couldn’t talk and just talk with Friend instead.

He did invite me to Germany too… saying he would pay for my ticket and there was a discount at a hotel near his military housing. I won’t lie, I really did want to go because duh who wouldn’t? It’s on my bucket list. But he told me I could only visit that month – May – since he was leaving sometime in June. I declined on the offer though because it was too much to plan in a few short weeks. I mean he brought this up in May saying I could only visit that month. In hindsight it’s best that I didn’t go but damn a paid trip to Germany… not the only stupid thing I’ve done in this story. Let’s keep reading. 

So, “Eboni, why did you keep things going with this man?” And guys…… I hate to admit it and I really wish I had a more sound reason but…… I knew once he was back we we’re going back to the sex club hides face in shame. Now was it the sex itself that was keeping me around? Absoltuely not. Not to downplay him but the sex definitely was not something to torture myself over. But I did like the vibes of the sex club and I did want to go back and there wasn’t anyone in the near future that I would’ve wanted to go with so like why not go again with someone I’ve already been with? At the time this made the most sense to me idk. Lol I really should not be telling this story. But we’ve already made it this far so…

So yes, the only reason I kept entertaining Germany was because I knew we were going to the sex club one more time before he moved to Georgia. For the last month he was stressed getting his affairs in order to move back – I mean he was there for six years – so moving back, transporting his cars, one of the cars he had to sell and was sad about it, so we barely talked that month and of course I didn’t care too much about that. He never gave me a real date on when he was moving back but eventually told me it was mid to end June and I’m like you’ll only be back in DC for a week or two before having to move again so this really is pointless. But whatever against my better judgement I kept it going.

At this point I was fully into dating Friend (full story in the next few posts) and really couldn’t care less about Germany. One day I had watched Germany’s IG story which was a picture of him driving on the freeway, POV out of his windshield, and in the corner I saw on the GPS was a city that was out here in Maryland. So I’m like ‘?’ he’s already out here? But I didn’t say anything. We hadn’t talked at all for a week at this point so if he never hit me up, better for me but I wasn’t going to nor felt the need to hit him up because a week of no talking I felt like things had naturally and finally died off. A few days after this is when he hit me up saying he was back in the states and I’m like ‘yeah I already know’. He’s like “it’s impossible for you to have known that” but I told him how I watched his story and he just said "fair enough". I really am not trippin but then he started trying to explain himself “everytime I come out here I want to surprise my mom and somehow some way my mom always finds out through someone else so I didn’t even want to tell anyone to not ruin the surprise”. First off, we know absolutely none of the same people so how would me knowing when you come back get back to your mother? And secondly, you were officially moving back after 6 years of being away and back into her house no less so wouldn’t she had to have known you were moving back? But hey I’m not in their household so it makes no nevermind to me.

I’m not pressing to see him because like I said at this point I just wanted to see him one last time to go back to the sex club and if that didn't happen hell maybe it was for the better. So now he’s out here for a week, talking here and there but still not heavy as if you truly are dating someone (this is important to mention); him still finding something new everyday to complain about and getting into arguments with his mom and really I couldn’t care less about any of it.

He hits me up randomly one day “so when are we having sex again?” Not asking to see me, not asking me out… oh did I mention how when we were talking he said “I don’t take bitches out on dates”, so no surprise but let’s still keep this in mind. Although when I would jokingly take offense to it he would be like “no I’m not talking about you” but it secretly included me. But let’s move on to how this is relevant…

I told him I was free Saturday. We get all dressed up and enter the club which is much more lively than when we previously went. The theme for the night was “anything anywhere” which is… exactly what it sounds like. We however did not see anything elsewhere except in the designated rooms. We actually didn’t get a room that night since it was so crowded, but something did happen between us.

Again, I won’t go into alot of detail about what I saw or what I did… I will say though that we went into what I call the orgy room in the back with the 5 beds and you have to be doing something and not just standing around. He wanted me to do something that I previously told him I wasn’t comfortable with. Or I guess I could tell yall lol he wanted me to start touching up on other women in there. Now here’s a bit of gray area because we are all in this one room I couldn’t even tell you how many naked bodies are present if I had to ballpark it… maybe like 20, could’ve been 30. Multiple couples on each bed. So on one hand yes alot of people may be open to a stranger touching on them in this setting, but also as a woman I wouldn’t want just anyone touching me. I know this sounds contradicting in this situation. I mean picture us, in a room where you have to be sexual in some way, but quietly arguing about this situation. I kept refusing to do it even inside the room and he was getting more irritated to the point where I said yea we’re getting out of here.

We step out and now the mood is ruined for me because we talked about this multiple times prior that I didn’t want to just feel up on other folks and now you’re putting me on the spot to still do it. We’re standing infront of one of the voyeur rooms, watching some couple in the doggy position while simultaneously in a quiet argument, obviously not trying to draw attention to ourselves.

Don’t judge me yall but I was heavily thinking about Friend, feeling guilty about being there, not even wanting to be there, I wasn’t having fun anymore and kicking myself for even dragging this along all this time. 

Things took a turn between Germany and I. Things turned physical, and I personally never had a guy put his hands on me and for him to do it in such a public space was bold of him to say the least. It escalated to the point where I didn’t care who was witnessing what because what you’re not going to do is keep putting your hands on me. I didn’t want to make that big of a scene and ruin everyone else’s night but I did shove him off instead of hitting him back so things didn’t get out of hand.

We had four different arguments at this damn sex club and I couldn’t even tell you what they were about… much like the previous arguments we had. Or maybe not even four arguments, but one long argument about four different topics dragged over the course of the night.

He sat me down and called himself trynna confess his feelings for me. Talkin about “I have deep feelings for you” sir… look where you are right now. It gave he thought I was into him like that and he was trying to say anything to get me to stay around. But let’s look at the facts: you barely talked to me for the last month, didn’t talk to me at all for a whole week, didn’t tell me when you were back I found out from IG, technically never took me out on a date, and when you were back the first thing you say in order to see me is “so when are we gonna fuck?” Like let’s cut the bullshit and call it what it is: just a fuck. And that’s fine with me, but don’t act like I have ‘moron’ written across my forehead.

He somehow started talking about my blog posts and how he’s “just another story” when when we met, this blog thing was literally just a thought. It was still in the idea phase and I most certainly didn’t think he was sticking around long enough for this post to have any substance. I mean thank you for the content? But at what cost?

Towards the end we went upstairs to leave but he stopped so he could go into the deisgnanted smoking room and I stood outside for a good 30 minutes until he came out bragging about how he sucked on some woman’s titties. “That’s nice, are you ready to go?” Because I certainly was. I thought we were going to get into our respective cars and never speak again. He walked me to my car, helped me in then closed the door. Came back, opened the door, kissed me, then closed it again and left. I thought that was like our official goodbye.

July 9th, 2024

We didn’t talk the next day, so I was surprised when the day after that he did hit me up, texting me as if nothing happened. As if you didn’t put your hands on me and started four different arguments the whole night. I told myself I had to end it, and told him we had to talk but later that night. That conversation had to wait though, because I unexpectedly had to have a conversation with Friend, a conversation that will be told in Date #42’s post. So I actually didn’t call Germany until the next night after speaking with Friend/Date#42 first.

I wrote down all points I wanted to hit because I was already experienced arguing with this man and I just knew he was gonna talk in circles. I needed a visual representation of the insanity I had put myself through the past couple months. The first point for me ending this was his aggressive behaviors. The way he talks to me and him putting his hands on me. Also him pushing me into something I explicitly told him I wasn’t interested in, which started one of the arguments at the sex club. We were supposed to be having fun. Why is the first time you see me you’re picking fights? At a sex club no less. To this point he told me, “you need to be more light”. I guess saying I was too uptight maybe? Each time I would try to end things with him, he would always say I was too high on my “hill” and I had to come down off it to meet him in the middle. Whatever the hell that was supposed to mean. I guess him saying I needed to be more light was another vserion of that.

My second point was his insecurity, always bringing up my dates and my blog out of nowhere, another sex club argument that was had. He tried to say he was “inquiring about my blog” but literally never asked about it in any form. Which is why he kept assuming the worst about my dates. That was his fault for hurting his own feelings.

My third reason was his contradicting behavior and his words not matching his actions. He would say I’m not putting in effort or that he has “deep feelings” for me but went a whole week without talking to me, and the first thing he asks when he moves back is to fuck… not even a proper date. I don’t remember what his argument was to this but I was probably checked out the conversation by this point. I think he said I wasn't putting in any effort but... were you giving me something to put effort into?

I’ll be honest, this post took me the longest to write. Everytime I would even think of working on this post I would get irritated because I had to put myself back into the headspace of when I was dating this man. That, and because I was confused in the midst of every argument with Germany, and a year later I’m even more confused. How do I put into words something I can’t make sense of myself? In hindsight, Germany had a lot of issues, and it was never going to work out even if we were both serious about each other. We, in my opinion, kept each other around for the same reasons but also for the wrong reasons. Going to the sex club again was absolutely not worth it. The four times we did see each other that first week he was out here, it was always a good time, but that’s all he could’ve ever been for me. I had fun, but it should have ended there. I’m not going to go so far as to say I wish I never met him because that wouldn’t be true, but I do wish I would’ve let things go ahead of time instead of keeping him around just because (at the time) I didn’t have a good reason to let him go. One thing I have learned in this dating journey, is that letting someone go just because you aren’t feeling them anymore is a completely valid reason for ending things. And not only knowing this, but also putting it into practice.

I guess Germany didn’t have further points to prove because our conversation led to him saying “...but it’s ok I didn’t expect this to work out”, so if that were true why were you fighting this so hard? But I’m glad he finally acknowledged the truth and we were on the same page in the end. Probably the only thing we ever agreed on in our three months of dating.