Date #40 - An Unsolved Mystery: Why I Even Showed Up

Since this one will be a short post I’ve included a list of first-date questions/topics for when conversations get stale. Keep reading to check that out!

April 14, 2024

#40 was not who he looked like in his photos…

He wasn’t a catfish, just… different is what I can say. And different in a bad way.

I don’t remember our conversations before the date but we somehow agreed to go to Big Escape Rooms in Silver Spring, MD. I probably told him I’ve always wanted to go on a date to one because he made it happen afterwards I will say that.

But also, this place was a bitch to find. He had already arrived as I (thought) I did too. I try to be early for dates so I was parked in a grocery store parking lot and asked him where he was but instead of answering that he said for me to park somewhere else… further than the destination.

I park in the structure I typically park in in Silver Spring (there’s only one area you’re going to if you’re in this city) and then attempt to look for the place as I was obviously thinking it’d be clear where it was. I’m walking around and seeing no signs or nothing. So me and homie texting back and forth he trynna tell me where it is but I am completely lost. He, what sounds like, went a different way. He offered to come get me but I’m like no it’s no point in us both being lost because I can’t even tell you where I currently am.

Eventually I make it inside a building. I can’t tell you what type of building I just know I walk in and all there was was an elevator and some stairs so I’m like let me take the stairs. I get to the second level and there’s two doors and a hallway. Still no signs or nothing. At this point I called my friend like this man probably leading me to something sinister so talk with me until I find it because there is literally no other humans around for me to ask.

I make it to the end of the hallway and look over inside an empty Whole Foods. I’m still not exactly sure where I am but I continue to walk back until I finally see the sign for “Big Escape Rooms” and an arrow which led to a short walk to another room in the corner. How anyone else can find this is beyond me.

So I finally arrive (late) and was met with this short and skinny Ethipian guy. Now my past experiences with Ethiopian guys were not the greatest so I wasn’t too thrilled about this one. Spoiler alert: he was no different. But we’ll get back to that.

I was immediately turned off I won’t lie because (no offense) he wasn’t even one of the cute Ethipians which are usually very good-looking. So I was already disappointed with that. But also his clothes was just hanging off his body, wearing what looked like an XL hoodie, baggy jeans, and Yeezy’s.

He had a chill personality though. We walked in and started our game which, naturally, took some time to accomplish. Actually we didn’t accomplish it because we asked for hints the whole way through and still had 3 minutes left before we decided to give up and just sit and talk.

The lady came in and told us what we missed and… yea we wasn’t making it out alive.

Although I wasn’t attracted to him, he was actually cool to talk to so I wasn’t rushing to leave. It was late by this time and a lot of places were closed but we snuck into Shake Shack as they also were closing up and ordered some fries to share.

We sat outside and he was sharing stories about his roommates and friends, until he walked me to my car and drove him to his car as we continued to talk. Like I said by this time it’s really late so there are barely any cars in the parking garage. I didn’t expect for us to be talking so long so I parked my car perpendicular across the parking spaces but didn’t feel the need to correct it for us to continue talking. I really did think he was going to get out but it made no nevermind to me. A security guard on a bike came over and said we couldn’t park like that which was weird because… why would I park like this and leave? But then again as a security guard he’s probably seen some crazy things so I wasn’t questioning it.

But yea I won’t lie I did consider maybe seeing him again but like the Ethiopians before, he was very forceful in trying to get me back to his place that night and I was not interested. He even asked for a kiss and I told him maybe on the next date… which I knew wasn’t happening.

We went our separate ways after that night and I’m not sure how much time had passed but I did tell him I wasn’t interested in seeing him again and… that was all she wrote.

For those of you still navigating the dating world I’ve compiled a list of first date topics/questions if yall ever get stuck and the conversation is dead:

1. The three things I absolutely ask on a first date (not even on the dating app because I need to witness their reaction in person), is if they’re married or have a girlfriend, have gone to jail, and not only if they have a child but have gotten a girl pregnant. You not gon get me down the line with “you never asked”.

2. Their family dynamic. Typically how many siblings they have and which parent they’re closer to. This may be personal for some so I usually let this one come up naturally which, if the conversation is flowing, it should.

3. Their friend group. I personally think a guys’ friend group tells alot about their character. Him not having a friend group is a red flag. I like to ask about their bestfriend and why they consider them a best friend. Where his friends are from: school, work, etc. Does he have a lot of women friends and how does he know them as well. One date said one of his women friends was an ex so… this might be important for some to know because he might not tell you if you don’t ask!

4. If they have a degree, is currently in school, or went to school but didn’t finish and what the reason for that is. No judgement if no educational background, but you have to make up for it in another way such as the jobs you’ve held since high school.

5. What does “dating” mean to you? A lot of people have different definitions of the word "dating" which is partly the reason why situationships form. One might think this means it’s nothing serious and we’re dating around, the other might think this means we’re exclusive. See how this can become confusing? Best to get on the same page at the beginning.

Obviously everyone lives different lives and there’s no cut and dry answers for some. I use these topics or questions to get to know my dates and to get a sense of who they are. I want to see how engaged they are with the conversation and if they can answer simple questions (you’d be surprised how many can’t form a coherent thought). I also don’t ask these questions in a specific order or bombard them with question after question interview-style, nor do I even ask all these questions on the first date. Again, these are really my go-to for if the conversation gets stale and are what I like to call safe but intriguing topics.

I’ve also curated an innumerable amount of questions for first dates but I’ll let yall steal some:

1. What’s your favorite place you’ve never been to?

2. When was the last time you felt excited?

3. Where do you feel most at peace?

4. What are your pet peeves?

5. What do you feel you need to improve on the most?

6. What’s the most awkward conversation you’ve had? (a guy told me when he was told he had Gonorrhea or Chlamydia so I try to always ask this one incase anyone else wants to be as honest)

7. What is your favorite/least favorite thing about yourself?

8. What in your life are you most grateful for?

9. What was the most challenging thing you’ve had to overcome?

10. If you could change anything about how you’re living today, what would it be? What’s stopping you from changing it today?