Date #42 - The Season Finale

This man didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend until 3 months after we were already official.

How is that possible, you ask?

Let’s dive into it.

A lot of you already know his actual name but for continuity purposes, we’ll also give him the nickname, Pizzle.

Pizzle and I actually went to elementary school together. We went to a small christian school so we all interacted with each other; crushes started to form, but although I remember Pizzle being there, I don’t remember much about his presence at the school, especially since he left after fourth grade.

We go our separate ways, not thinking twice about the other again.

~ 18 years later ~ 

February 2023

I get a friend request from Pizzle on Instagram. Apparently a mutual friend of ours posted me and he added me from her story (shoutout to my elementary bestie). My Question of the Day (QOTD) IG stories works wonders because one of these is what prompted him entering my DMs for the first time. Nothing flirty, but over time he would comment on my story here and there. We naturally started becoming friends, exchanging numbers, texting here and there with the occasional phone call; asking the other for dating advice and opening up about our personal lives.

I would say probably around November of that year was when I could actually call Pizzle a friend. We were talking on a consistent basis, again not in a romantic way but opening up more on a friend level. Of course this was around the time I was dating Ivory, and I would talk to Pizzle about him and he would give his blunt opinions on the situation, in a true guy-friend fashion. Like in Date #33, when I was over Ivory’s house, Pizzle was the “friend” who he asked me “how are you washing clothes in a dirty house?” I hated that he had me sitting in that man’s house questioning my actions. I should’ve stopped texting him right there, because the rest of the conversation just tickled me. I could not hold in my laughter while Ivory is over here asking me what’s so funny. My future husband, that’s what! (I’m jp, I still only saw Pizzle as a friend at this point)

February 2024 

The facetime calls started to roll in. After our second face-to-face conversation I texted another elementary bestfriend of mine, “You remember [government name redacted]?” I told her we were on facetime she askin me “what he look like now?” All I could say was “Cute.” But I knew he lived in Arizona, so as quick as the “he’s attractive, would I date him?” thought entered my mind, it exited just as quickly. Over the next few months, the thought would float in my mind here and there. I would always whisk it away because remember those blunt opinions I was talking about? He was like that with every single thing. Very opinionated on any and every topic. Which was a quality that actually bothers me about people. I get the whole “if you stand for nothing you fall for anything” quote but damn why did he feel so passionately about every little thing? And then it was his delivery that I would be like omg you can’t just say it calmly? Why does it feel like you’re yelling at me? And it wasn’t in a heated fashion just moreso in a “I feel very strongly about this topic” but again… it was every topic. So although I would open up a bit about my personal life, I was still always cautious about what to share.

He told me since November that he was coming out to DC for his cousin’s beauty pageant that summer and that we should hang out when he visits. I thought this was just a fly-by comment and that he didn’t have any intentions of seeing me. Which I also didn’t mind because this was at the beginning of our friendship, before the facetime calls, so I was also in my head like “what would we have to talk about?” But the more time that went on the more he kept talking about him coming to DC, and I’m like oh this is really happening…

---

Eventually Ivory and I stopped dating, and Germany (Date #39)  and I started dating a week later. But by this time, Pizzle and I started talking a bit more. Some flirty vibes, but nothing that I thought meant anything, until at the end of one of our facetime calls he said “ok Eboni I’ll talk to you tomorrow”. I tought this was interesting because idk about yall, but I don’t talk to my friends everyday, so I was like… how or why is he expecting us to talk again the very next day? Later on he told me in his mind he planned to talk to me the next day but he didn’t mean to say it out loud and was embarrassed after it slipped out.

By May or June of 2024 we were talking everyday. It’s easy to pinpoint when you start dating someone by whenever the first date was. Obviously with Pizzle and I, it was a bit more difficult to gauge when we truly started “dating” on account we didn’t have any in-person dates. We would watch movies together over facetime but that was really our only form of dating at the time. Things were very slow-burn between us, on account that we kind of tip-toed into the flirting pool instead of it being blatantly obvious. 

It was honestly as natural as it could get. Yall know I’m used to dating guys off the apps so it’s usually “hey we’re interested in each other let’s go on a date and see what happens”, but this was obviously completely different. Did I like him? Did I not? Was he serious about seeing me in DC? Did he only want to hit? A lot of thoughts going on in my mind. He of course was watching my ‘DC Dates’ on IG and he did tell me he was going to take me on a date when he comes to DC, but again I thought he was just yappin.

Still being in my relationship journey, I did not want to tell my friends who I was dating seriously because I didn’t want them getting in my head about anything negative I might share. My friends are quick to tell me to cut someone off because they’re used to me dating lames, so any and everything I was going through with Pizzle I was solely working out on my own. And also because we weren’t even dating seriously, so I figured it would be pointless to share what was going on if it didn’t lead anywhere.

The green light that confirmed we had a mutual interest in each other was when I was playing around talking about me visiting him in Arizona, although I had no intentions of going. But he asked where I would be sleeping when I go visit. I told him I was sleeping in his bed, and that I didn’t care where he was sleeping. He said he was going to be sleeping in his bed. I said it looks like we were both sleeping in his bed then. From there is what sparked us starting to actually “date”.

–

Part II: How it went down

So that was a bit of back story on us and how we started “dating” (it always felt weird to say since we never went on an in-person date). How we became official is a different story though. I debated on telling this part of our story because I don’t want anything to get misconstrued about how/why we actually became official.

I was still dating Germany this whole time… I guess technically, which is also weird to say because he was in Germany and I wasn’t really feeling him anymore but yeah… read that post if you need more explanation on that (Date #39). Funny enough, I always said I couldn’t do long distance, but dating someone in Arizona and dating someone in Germany made for an interesting experience. One time I was already on facetime with Pizzle, us laughing and cooking together, but then Germany facetimed me and I’m like ugh, he’s calling. Pizzle talkin bout “no, don’t answer” I’m over here like “imma talk to him until he goes to bed”. But the convo was so boring per usual so after 5 minutes of minimal talking, I told Germany “I gotta go”. Called Pizzle back like “The vibes are better over here”. Later on he said he knew he had me hooked at that point (he didn’t).

Another time they literally both called me at the exact same time. My phone and my Mac laptop ringing at the same time with different names popped up. I answered Germany, who was actually back in Maryland by this time. He started complaining about his mother and I didn’t feel like listening to his negativity so I told him… again… I had to go. Called Pizzle. And the reason I would answer Germany before Pizzle was because I would give him that little bit of conversation just to satisfy him because I knew I would want to talk to Pizzle longer. Pizzle and I both said later that it felt like I was cheating on Germany with Pizzle but… God forbid a girl just wants to date around.

Anywho so yeah slowly Germany was being put on the back burner. Eventually I wasn’t answering his calls and just called him back when I felt like it. But after a week of Germany being back in the states he said he wanted to go back to the sex club. Obviously when Pizzle and I were just friends I was telling him about Germany, and the sex club, but when we actually started talking he said he didn’t wanna hear anymore about Germany, and especially not if I go back to the sex club. 

So Germany and I said we would go on Saturday and that was that. The first, last, and only time I had planned to see him before he moved to Georgia. Pizzle and I are talking on a Friday night, one of those 1am deep conversation types. I don’t recall what the topic of conversation was, but I do remember we were on facetime, laying down, in the dark, not looking at each other, and he tells me he really fucks with me and wants me to be his girlfriend.

Let’s pause here guys, because the period of us dating, we kept saying we wouldn’t make it official until after we meet up in August when he came to DC. I haven't seen you in person since fourth grade so of course I’m gonna want us to go on an actual date, kiss, all the things before locking it down. And he agreed. So him saying he wanted me to be his girlfriend… I didn’t know if he was officially asking me or if he was just saying what he wants to happen in the near future. 

In the back of my mind I knew I was going to the sex club the next day, and I knew he didn’t want to know this information, nor was it the best time to bring this up… so… I honestly don’t remember what I said but I know I tried to side step it even though I know I wanted to be with him too. Yeah, confusing, I know.

I talk about this situation with a guy friend of mine (I still didn’t want to talk to any of my girl friends about Pizzle) but I really wanted some clarity on how to go about this. Guy-friend told me to just ask Pizzle if he was serious about the girlfriend thing or not. I called Pizzle that morning like “were you serious last night?” He’s like “why” and I said “because if you were serious then I have to tell you something, but if you weren’t then I won’t tell you”, which is something I know (now) bothers him - don’t bring something up and not tell the full details; don’t beat around the bush about it.

I told him that Germany and I had planned to go to the sex club but that I hadn’t planned on bringing it up until the girlfriend thing came up. He said “oh that’s it? Why you couldn’t tell me that? I mean I get it but yeah you’re good” and I’m like ok that wasn’t that bad. He was at the gym at the time so he said he would call me when he leaves.

Surprise surprise: He did not call me when he left. Even more of a surprise: He did not call me the next day either. I knew he was upset.

If you read Germany’s post you would know what happened at the club and no need to rehash it here. But basically I did not have a good time there and felt guilty the whole time. This was how I know I couldn’t cheat… the guilt would eat me alive. How I feel guilty when I’m not even official with either one of these men?

So Pizzle texted me on Monday. Mind you, Pizzle doesn’t like texting at all. We haven’t even had a real text conversation until maybe January and we were now in July. He didn’t seem upset. He was still talking to me, but I could tell he felt some type of way.

That day I had to talk to a friend about something, and after the events at the club I had planned to end it with Germany too. I told Pizzle I had to have conversations with some people and he told me he wanted to talk to me too but he would let me talk to my friends first. I’m like “nah I’ll call you first.” He took precedence at this moment. He hearted the message, and I decided to kind of feel out his energy so I tried to joke “are we breaking up before we’re even together?” he said “I wouldn’t say all that”, which actually told me alot. I showed guy-friend this and he said “oh yeah yall done”. I felt like shit.

We get on the phone that night, light conversation and then he starts with “Imma be honest with you… you didn’t have to tell me all that”. He went on to explain that I told him too much information and that he didn’t call me back that day because it would’ve been weird to talk to me then I stop talking to him that night to go to the club with another dude. He wanted us to fall back on what we we were doing because after that he didn’t know where we stood.

I completely understood this. And I told him that. In no way did I even try to justify it or argue back. Not even that he was arguing or speaking in a hostile way, he explained himself calmly. I did tell him that I actually had a terrible time and felt guilty the whole time and that it wasn’t even worth it. Germany and I argued the whole night and he put his hands on me and that although I had originally planned to end things in the next two weeks with Germany, after that situation I was ending things with him that night regardless on whatever happened between Pizzle and I. Pizzle paused like “wait what? Put his hands on you how?” I explained a little bit but didn’t want to get into it because that wasn’t the point of what I was saying. He said “ok forget everything I just said. Are you okay?” I told him yeah but besides that happening, the reason why I told him I was going was because I didn’t know if Pizzle had seriously made things official between us the night before and I didnt want it to look sneaky. Because obviously if he said he was serious and I was his girlfriend then I woulda told Germany bye lol I’m in a relationship now. But Pizzle never confirmed that so that’s why I still went. But even in the moment I knew I shouldn’t have gone and I paid the price for it.

Pizzle said when he planned to bring up that situation, he thought one of two things was gonna happen: I would’ve either gotten defensive, or I wouldn’t have cared about how he felt. He said he didn’t think about the third option: me validating his feelings. He said my response completely changed his perspective and after that conversation he wanted to make it official even more. At the end he told me “I already dropped all my hoes. So that we don’t have any more confusion, and don’t have any more situations like this, you’re dropping all your hoes too”. He’s such a romantic, guys, sarcastic. I told him “I don’t do that unless I’m in a relationship”, to which he replied, “Well that’s what this is.”

A couple days later I ask him “so we’re official official right? Like no other dates, no talking to anyone or that's cheating…” he actually confirmed it this time. I’m like “So does that make July 8th our anniversary?” The day we had that conversation. He said it did. And that is how we became official before he actually asked me because anywhere in that conversation did yall hear a “Will you be my girlfriend?” No, yall didn’t. I'll tell yall how he officially asked in a later post. But I wasn’t too picky about it. We wanted to be with each other. We said we would wait until seeing each other in person but I agreed about his point on the whole ‘not putting ourselves in confusing situations’ so I thought, why wait?

Although I told myself I couldn’t be in a long-distance relationship, and although I said I have to go out on dates, kiss, and have sex with someone before officially locking things down… I felt strongly about him. I didn’t notice any red flags after the year and a half of knowing him, I wasn’t gonna let the distance be the only thing keeping us from each other. I thought, let’s try it out. If it doesn’t work out, oh wells, we won’t be the only couple that breaks up, but why not try it? Why not dive into something that could be totally worth it? None of the previous guys were serious about me (nor I, them); I would be silly to not explore this with someone who actually wants something real.

It’s not the most conventional relationship story, but I honestly never wanted your typical, boring meet-cute story to begin with. Yeah it’s probably weird, and questionable, but it’s a part of our story, and I’m loving every piece of it.

Read more to continue on this journey with us <3