Date #28: Vanishing Acts

Fall/Winter 2022

#28 was my second heartbreak since moving, and took me the longest to get over (word on the street is I’m still trying to get over it). We talked a bit on Hinge then conversations moved from there to Instagram but I could not keep up with what this man was talking about. Honestly, his conversations were all over the place so with barely any time passing, I just stopped replying all together.

A few months had passed and… yall remember when IG came out with that notes feature? The one everybody and they momma was using and then forgot about two seconds later? I had seen his note that said “I wish you guys would stop sending me your nudes”. Because we had barely talked to begin with and I forgot who he even was, I decided to be funny and say “damn, just when I was about to send you mine”. He replied: “you definitely can’t send me any”. I was confused because I’m like??? What did I do to him? I looked back at previous conversations and remembered oh yea… the guy I stopped talking to. But we both laughed about it and… (I’m not gonna lie I tried going back in the DMs to get an accurate description for yall on how the rest of the conversation went… but I started getting emotional so I had to stop), but just know we continued to talk from that point.

Anyway, Remy (a nickname I gave him due to Remy Martin being his favorite alcohol), was hands down the funniest guy I ever dated; I’m talking stomach-hurts-everytime-we’re-together type of funny. I definitely miscalculated his personality from the beginning. We started talking heavy and exchanged numbers. I told him about Enchant DC, a holiday “village” with lights, a maze, skating, food and festive drinks, souvenirs, and the like. I told him I was debating on going, but he said I should go and he would pay for me. I’m like why would you do that? “Because you really want to go,” he told me. “Why wouldn’t we just go together?” I replied, which makes sense right? He agreed, and the planning of our first date began.

December 20, 2022

He asked if I wanted to go ice skating, but I told him I didn’t know how to skate (really I was scared after getting my fingers ran over when I was little), and pointed out it was more money anyway. “Ok we’re going skating,” he determined. Then he asked if I wanted to drive together or metro. Again, trying to be conscious of his pockets, I pointed out that it was more money to pay for parking, so I was fine with taking the metro. “Ok we’ll drive”, he decided again. Over $200 already spent and easily the most expensive (first) date I’ve been on. 

When I tell yall it was the best date I’ve had! Not only did he have me crying laughing the whole time, we were on the same wavelength. I told him I wanted to do the maze first, then eat. He said “And of course we have to get souvenirs at the end”. Girl I love me a little souvenir! I was actually surprised he mentioned it. I mean it was already in my head but I wasn’t going to say anything til the end. And I didn’t think guys were into souvenirs anyway.

In the maze, some guys would just be chilling there, unexcited,  thinkin they too cool for lights and pictures, feigning boredom, rushing to get to the end… but Remy was like an excited kid. Stepping on the lights, amazed at the changing colors, running and jumping all over the place. He didn’t complain about the 1000 pictures and angles I had to get. I was even trying to twirl in a boomerang for IG but it wasn’t coming out right. He said “let me show you how to do it” and started twirling along too. When I got a hot chocolate that was dripping with candy and chocolate sauce, he got one too. When I wanted an apple cider, he wanted one also. I felt like we were in sync forreal (mostly because I want someone who is a foodie just like me). When it was time for us to skate, he stayed with me holding the wall until I became confident enough to skate freely. But he still held my hand so I wouldn’t fall… yea we were real cute! Wasn’t nobody else there but us (in my head). I did let him go a few rounds around the rink solo so he could truly enjoy himself and get his money's worth. Along with our drinks (which I playfully fought with him to pay for), I also paid for our souvenirs at the end as a thank you.

When I tell yall I was almost in love with Remy after this date… 

(Can check it out on TikTok @ebby_ebbs)

I typically don’t take a guy out til about the third or fourth date, but I was really feeling this man! So I said on our second date I was taking him to Immersive Gamebox in Arlington, Virginia. Quite possibly the most expensive date I’ve taken a guy on (around the same as what he spent on me on the first). Before this date happened though, we randomly had a conversation about intentions. I told him I might be ready for a relationship, but he said he’s not used to dating and that he’s having fun and wants to continue with that. Although I was sad about it, I told him it would probably be better for us to end this as we were looking for different things. He agreed.

But I had already paid for that immersive gamebox! I’m like well let’s make this our last outing. This was another extremely fun date! We played the Squid Games version and I probably sucked at it a bit. But afterwards we walked across the street to Uncle Julios, a Tex-Mex restaurant, then after dinner I took him back home… and stayed the night.

Now let me clarify, this was not our first night together. He lived with his grandma, so I met “Nana” my first night over there. Very funny lady, very welcoming. So yeah we just continued to date after that. No conversation just vibes. This is where I f*cked up. Within the whole month of us dating we were still going out, having fun, I would even go to his bowling tournaments where I met his best friend and his favorite uncle. After meeting them I asked Remy what they thought of me. Apparently they said they could tell I wanted something more, although I’m not sure how. I actually sat in the back and was more reserved because I didn’t know if he told them exactly what we were (if we were anything at all). From my POV, I wasn’t all over him, wasn’t touchy-feely, didn’t even do any excessive flirting. For all they knew I was just a friend from the way I was acting. But… they were right, I did want something more, so it had to have been something I was displaying that I was unconscious of.

He then invited me to his family’s game night. Mom, dad, his siblings, and Nana were to be in attendance. 8 people should be fine. But when I got there, it was the whole family. Aunts, uncles, and cousins included. Was not sure if this was better or worse, but it was a fun time. Games, gingerbread house contest, and he was the designated bartender so of course I got to be the taste tester. Here I am, again, trying not to bring attention to myself because idk if I’m supposed to just be a friend or what… but he was the touchy-feely one that day. Sharing kisses in the middle of the room and all. I was a bit taken aback since this is my first time meeting these people. But hey he knows his family more than I do right? They must all be real comfortable because they even invited me to Aruba with them, which was happening in 6 months for his parents' anniversary. His mom, Nana, and Remy all invited me on 3 separate occasions. As much as I liked him, I couldn’t get too excited being that this was still within a month of us dating, and this trip was kind of far down the line. It was too soon for me but if things were going well with us in that time frame, then when the time came, my bags would be packed!

January 2023

I never got to see that trip. Matter fact we ended a few weeks after the game night happened. That night was the day before New Year's Eve. Everyone at the party kept asking what he was doing for New Years, to which he kept responding that he didn’t know. I stayed with him that night, and the next morning Nana came into the room and asked what our plans were. He stated once again, he didn’t know. 

If anyone is wondering what Nana thought of me (because I did), he said she thought I was nice and for him to make sure I was on birth control. Makes sense since he already had a child… a newborn at that, I don’t even think the baby was 1 yet. I told yall I'm always somehow drawn to the baby daddies.

Anywho, we were in bed most of the day until evening crept around. I asked him if he wanted me to stay, because if not, I would want to leave soon so that I’m not driving too late on New Years Eve, especially when it was raining. Without missing a beat he told me I should go home. Realistically, he didn’t say it as rude as that sounded, but that is how it felt, especially without more of a reasoning as to why he wanted me to go, especially if he truly wasn’t doing anything.

I was so confused. How is it that you’re inviting me to Aruba 6 months out, wanting me to meet your family, but I couldn’t spend time with you for the holiday? If he had prior plans, I would 100% understand. But if you really weren’t doing anything–. My head was spinning, so I brought this up to him later. He told me:

“Someone meeting my family isn’t a big deal. I don’t have a specific way of dating. You were cool and I f*ck with you so I want you to see what I be on which takes more precedence over the scale in which we’re dating."

I told him that it not being a big deal really watered that moment down for me and I wish we would’ve discussed it beforehand. To the New Years plans, he said he had a few plans to get into so he didn’t know if he was doing that or staying in playing video games. He thought it was better if I went home so that I wasn’t dealing with whatever it was he was doing. I didn’t really have too many feelings about that response.

He explicitly stated he wasn’t looking for a relationship, he’s just getting into dating and enjoying dating me and getting into a relationship months down the line isn’t something he sees for himself. Very much appreciated the honesty, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

We continued to talk for a few more weeks, but I did feel the replies starting to come slower. How funny when you can literally feel someone losing interest in you. I wish I could say we had an appropriate goodbye, bowing out gracefully and such. But he texted me something random one day – a picture of his best friend eating chicken wings from the bowling alley, the same wings the two of them were teasing me for ordering – and when I replied, I never heard from him again. I was left on ‘delivered’, until two months later it changed to ‘read’. 

One can conclude that us wanting different things was the reason for our demise, but I still wish a conversation was had so that I didn't feel as though everything meant nothing. Do I have any regrets? Not at all. Would I do it all again despite knowing the outcome? In a heartbeat. Some people come into your life and give you a feeling that you were missing with others before. And although he isn’t the one, he did make me hopeful that if I could feel this strongly about someone, I can’t begin to imagine how strongly I’ll feel about the person I truly am supposed to be with.