Date #12 - Breadcrumbing: The Trail to a Broken Heart

Oct. 2nd, 2021

Date #12 was my first heartbreak after moving.

Let me clarify that I was never in love with this man – I’ve actually never been in love – but I believe one can be heartbroken without having been in love first. Your heart can break for something you were hoping for. 

Our first date was to Punch Bowl Social in Arlington, Virginia. This was my first time going, but he told me they had drinks, food, and games. If a date includes these three, I’m already hooked. I didn’t have a car at this time so I met him there. First impressions: I didn’t really like what he was wearing. Very basic jeans and a black hoodie. Very much an outfit he coulda went to run errands in. But I digress.

The plan was actually to bowl specifically, so we sat at the bar talking for a bit while we waited for our lane to be ready (ps, this is a three story place but there's only two bowling lanes so if you decide to go, plan accordingly!).

Anywho, the vibes were there, the conversation was flowing, and the energy was great all around. What more could I ask for? It was a solid date! At the end he dropped me off at my dorm, we exchanged numbers, and we hit it off from there.

October 9th, 2021

A week later we had our second date at Ben's Next Door which is (you guessed it) next door to Ben’s Chili Bowl – a DC staple. I personally was not a fan of the food but… moving on.

It was late now and he took me to this underground cliff? I guess you could call it? Honestly, I have no clue what it is. Maybe a DC native would know better. I’ve been here for almost 3 years and I still wouldn’t know how to get there on my own. But we parked on this dead end street and had to walk up what he said were the stairs they filmed The Exorcist (later found out these weren’t actually the stairs and The Exorcist Stairs are in Georgetown and quite a b*tch to walk up). I wish I could explain this area better for yall but it just seemed like a small unknown spot for college kids to drink or smoke and just chill. It overlooked the water and even though we were physically in DC, you could actually see into Virginia. I was still amazed at this since at the time I had only been in the area for a few months.

He was a huge smoker so he asked if I mind if he smoked (I didn’t), and shortly after that, he asked if he could kiss me. Now I’m not a smoker myself, so kissing those who do smoke?...maybe not the best combination. But lil ol me was still excited and giddy because I was really into this guy.

A few weeks later it was his birthday. He asked if I wanted to go out of town for the weekend and I didn’t even hesitate to say yes. I had an internship on Friday and work Sunday so I said I would just call off work on Sunday and we can head out on Friday after my internship. I forgot specifically where we discussed going but I knew it had to have been 2 hours away, nothing crazy. He said Friday traffic was going to be terrible and asked if I could take off Friday too. I was a bit hesitant about this as I didn’t want to blow off too many of my responsibilities, but I said f*ck it let’s go!

I told him my request off was granted, he said great! An hour or so later he told me that his friend surprised him with basketball tickets to his favorite team's game, and asked if I wouldn’t mind a “staycation” in the city. Now, I will say this: at the time, I was beyond pissed. My thoughts were: You asked me to go out of town. I called off work and my internship, and the second I do you say nevermind, the mini vacay is not happening? I told him I wanted to talk “later”. About an hour after that he texted me: “Is it later?” Funny, and cute, but I was still annoyed. I still hadn’t talked to him, mulled over my feelings, and later that night told him I didn’t want to date anymore because I felt like the situation was completely inconsiderate and disrespectful of my time.

I told two of my friends what happened. One said that I cut off guys easily, especially at the first sign of conflict, and that I should possibly reconsider my decision. I went back to him, still being stubborn, but told him that I wanted to continue to date but because of what happened, I still did not want to celebrate his birthday with him. He was disappointed but said he understood.

The other friend was a bit more straightforward and got in my behind about how it was actually inconsiderate of me to make this situation about myself when it’s his birthday. And that I should actually be grateful to have a guy with friends who loves him so much that they surprised him with such a great gift. I took this in. A few days later I invited him over, telling him I apologized for the way I handled the situation, admitted that it was 100% selfish of me, and told him I would love to still celebrate his birthday and take him wherever he wanted to go for it. He chose mini golf. Looking back, yes I definitely overreacted about this. The tickets were probably a surprise and he had zero control over it. But I’m glad I still admitted my faults and apologized shortly after.

October 27th, 2021

That week he said he was feeling down about some family issues. I told him what I typically do is get a hotel room for the weekend to just be alone when I’m feeling overwhelmed. He took my advice and did just that: getting a hotel room the weekend of his birthday. As we’re talking throughout the day he tells me his plans and my thoughts were that we were only going to play mini golf one night.

“So after the game imma come get you then we’re gonna go to the hotel,” he texted me. I was completely caught off guard because it was never discussed that I would be a part of the hotel plan. But I wasn’t asking no questions! This only gave me a few hours to wash and blow dry my hair and pack for the weekend, so as soon as I got that text I started planning outfits and hairstyles. He scooped me up that night and we headed to the hotel room, which I believe was our first night staying together. I’ll let you guys use your imagination for what happened next.

The next morning (his actual birthday) I took him out to brunch at TTT Clarendon, also in Arlington, Virginia, for all you can eat brunch (I swear we ordered everything on that menu, some things twice), and then went to Swingers in Dupont Circle to play mini golf. Along with the activities, I also gave him his favorite candle and some applesauce (inside joke) for his birthday gift. We ended the night eating take out and left in the morning.

December 2021

After the next month of dating, I was going home to Cali for winter break. We spent one last night before I left and at the time I didn’t notice it, but in hindsight there was a shift happening. He dropped me off at the metro for me to go to work and I was leaving in the next day or two. Looking back, that morning before he dropped me off he was very distracted on his phone and was lowkey rushing to get me to the metro. Acting very much the opposite of how someone would if they weren’t gonna see the person they were dating for the next two weeks.

The time I was home I barely heard from him. It started the day I left when he hadn’t asked if I made it home safely from the flight. This was someone I talked to all day every day for the past two months so of course the energy shift was felt. I brought this up and he stated he was going through something and just didn’t have the energy to be social. I tried to respect this and told him to hit me up when he was feeling up to it. It was about 4 days of no talking until he sent me a New Years text:

“hey jean (a nickname he gave me). i hope u have fun tonight if ur goin out. be safe. u were the highlight of my 2021 n i hope u will be the same for 2022 kiss emoji thank u for giving me space i really do appreciate it.”

At this point of course I’m thinking oh we good!

Four more days of not talking. I let him text me when he was up to it because I didn’t wanna push. And when he did, it was hours in between replies as opposed to the minutes I was so used to. Then more days of not hearing from him.

January 2022

He texted me asking how California was going, and I told him I made it back to Maryland. Him not even knowing I had been back for a few days, I knew the end was coming. I brought up what was maybe our second or third conversation about what was happening between us, to which he stated that he was in a “funk” that he didn’t see himself getting out of anytime soon, and that he understands if I want to call it quits. I told him yes, I would prefer he focus on whatever it is he has going on. That was hard for me. This man was the first guy I was really feeling when I moved out here. It took me a little minute to get over it.

March 2022

We did work near each other but had different schedules so we never saw each other near our jobs. Until two months later. Mind you we hadn’t talked since our last “goodbye” conversation. I actually wasn’t scheduled to work this day but I had to go in to sign some paperwork. As I’m walking I randomly hear someone shout at me. I turn and it’s him driving by. He waved. I waved. He kept driving. I cried. Luckily I didn’t have to work a whole shift or I would’ve been a mess.

He texted me saying it was him who shouted and that he would’ve stopped if he wasn’t running late. Replies were still spotty, but I wasn’t over this man, so I asked if he wanted to catch up over dinner. He agreed.

The day we had planned to go out, an hour before meeting up he had to cancel because of a family emergency. This wasn’t the first time this has happened, but I sat and I cried and I ignored everyone the remainder of the night. He did say he could meet up the next day, and I let the message sit while I thought for a bit. I thought about how we’ve been here before (not the birthday situation but him canceling last minute over issues he never wanted to explain). I was tired of crying, tired of getting my hopes up, tired of making up excuses for his actions. After I sat and cried for a few hours, I just texted back “Ok” and blocked him.

The next morning, my MacBook must’ve not gotten the message because I saw he had replied: “‘ok’ you’re gonna block me or ‘ok’ to meeting up tomorrow?” I didn’t reply, and figured he’d get the message soon enough. Which he did. Later that morning he had messaged me on Hinge (where we met) saying “LMAO you really blocked me laughing face emoji how rude”. Lord knows I wanted to reply soooo bad, but my cousin and my friend from earlier told me that no, I don’t need to. After a few days, he had unmatched the two of us from the app.

He was blocked for a few months until I was sure he wouldn’t try to reach out again. I unblocked him with no intentions of reaching out, and no expectations of him doing the same. I still wonder if I’ll ever see him around the city, maybe a piece of me still hoping. I sometimes wonder how we would’ve ended up… but I remind myself that I already had my answer. He wasn’t meant to be in my life. And although I wished for a different ending, this is how we were meant to end. I sometimes think I could’ve done something different, or wished that he handled the situation differently, but when I reflect on how things ended between me and other guys, this was pretty light. Neither one of us hated each other. This was probably the best outcome for us to end. People are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I guess our season is over.